I know I’m not alone in stating this, but I seriously detest New Year’s Eve especially as it also falls on my birthday. It has never been an affair I’ve fallen hard for, then missed because I’ve grown older. It’s always been a sad, tedious, boring, desperately trying to soldier through without killing someone or myself.
The fact that my family always used Christmas as a celebratory event but skimped on the date in question 6 days later always made me feel intensely special.
The date has been a get together for all of my friends – just never all together with me. I’ve truly never felt cherished or loved at this time. Never felt like the effort I would put into others birthdays was put into mine. Maybe my expectations are much higher or maybe it just fills me with dread when this time or year appears.
So I’ve told my partner, I’m spending 2019 alone. No company. No forced “fun”. No feeling like no one has made an effort when it’s the time of year everyone seems to go over the top. If no effort is going to be made, it’s going to be my way.
Actually, I’m going to find something to do. Something for others. Stop this bollocks of depression and feeling shit and help someone else who needs help and support.
Blurgh, I mean 2019 everyone!