I’ve decided that in order to to help myself grow from my past, there are some areas I want to revisit. This may seem counterintuitive however I loved to draw when I was much younger and throughout school. It was time I looked beyond the rubbish and put pencil to paper.

This weekend was a conscious decision to start drawing again. Well, attempt to.

Walking in the art supplies aisles initially made me feel like a fraud. Why? Possibly a an instilled desire to be accepted and told how good I am is clouding my vision of what being me really means. The first couple of stores and with fiancé in tow, I made excuses and found reasons to be somewhere else, find something more important, be anywhere but there.

The following day I forced myself to return. Even then, it was beginning to feel like self mutilation until a dear friend called me just as I crossed the store threshold for a second day. She talked. I listened.

As she spoke, I meandered through the store, faking interest in supplies but intently of her. She spoke of her own experiences with depression, specifically since her bully of a mother passed away. Talking of guilt and a life lost in pain, she was reaching out, whether she knew this or not. I wanted to be near and hold her. In a futile way, I too want to feel this but I don’t share. Or at least I’m not particularly good at it.

My friend is amazing I tell you. We’ve known each other for over 14 years. She is one of those people that being kind, generous, funny and happy comes naturally. We met through a common interest and a want to make self-improvements. An evening course in what was previously my old school. Not art, ICT. We just clicked. No pun intended.

I love getting her calls. She can talk forever. What a talent.

 

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WANTED – Adult Children of Narcissists for a survey

At 45 and still coming to terms and learning more each day, week, month and year that passes. Missed the survey deadline but extremely glad I came across this on Pinterest. My eyes as well as my heart is letting in the light. The honesty and willingness of others to share their story is a welcome home I was never granted. Thank you sharing x

An Upturned Soul

Narcissist parent

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PLEASE NOTE – This survey has been re-opened and is available throughout the month of June 2015 for those wanting to participate in it. You can find it here – Parental Communication Measurement Study

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What do you tell other people about your childhood?

Do you edit it, rewrite it, make it sound normal or tell it like it was?

What do you tell yourself about your childhood?

Do you remember it well? Do your memories of it make you smile or would you prefer to forget it happened, but can’t because it influences your adulthood?

How do you describe your parents to others?

The way they want to be described or the way you experienced them – is that the same thing or different? Or the way others, friends, acquaintances and strangers, want you to describe them for their benefit, but not yours?

Do you speak about your…

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